I’m trusting you to be gentle with me. I think you need to know I’ve been hurt since the last time we talked. I truly wish none of it had ever happened. And I’m sorry you have to be the one to deal with this. I’m sorry you have to make up for his mistakes. I’m going to be a bit insecure, but I’m not going to let you get away with treating me poorly. I’ve learned that I deserve better than what he gave me. I am worthwhile and I deserve to be treated that way. I want you and I love you, but I’m not afraid to get rid of you if I need to.
I know I’m getting sick of my roommate when I want to kill her because I can hear her breathing and drinking… I need a break.
Trying to remind myself that I have made it through many TV series finales with minimal emotional damage because How I Met Your Mother is almost over and my heart hurts.
Guys, I forgot to show you, but I’m super proud of this. It probably won’t happen again, but still.
Guys, I made shit happen…
So I still miss and love my ex-boyfriend. I’d tried everything to shake the feelings, but nothing worked. I recently decided to make him a mixed cd and write him a letter to spill my guts. I gave it to his best friend to deliver. It took him 3 days to get back to me and for 3 days I was a nervous wreck. I almost threw up. I had given him the power to crush me. I think it’s the most brave, bad ass, and romantic thing I’ve ever done.
And you know what? It fucking worked! He told me he was worried about how things would work out because so much has changed, which is totally justifiable. And that it was the coolest thing anyone has ever done for him. And then he asked me out on a date! A freaking date! Like, I made that happen. It’s incredible.
But I’m still nervous. I wasn’t begging him to date me. I just wanted him to know I cared for him, and that I always will. And I ended up getting another chance. I keep reminding myself that I am interesting and beautiful and awesome because I’m so afraid. I got hurt so bad last time I tried this relationship thing. It’s hard to forget that. I have to trust him If I want this to work. I don’t want to fuck it up.
Life lesson: You are in control. If you want something to happen take a step towards making it happen. It’s better than being miserable. And most of the time you don’t have anything to lose.
I’m working on breaking these babies in.
I love that they say don’t fuck with me, I know I deserve respect and I won’t settle for any less.
I just finished going through a drawer of old journals. And yeah… I can’t be the only one who thought they were an awesome poet when at 16.
Reading through everything brought back a lot. I wrote some of it out which is probably not the best idea I’ve ever had, but it happened.